"swishing and swooping, tumbling and turning"

Hello, 

Do you watch 'The Apprentice'? This is one TV show that all the family in our house like. 

For those of you who do not know the programme, over a period of weeks candidates

 vie to become the business partner of Lord Alan Sugar (he of Amstrad and Tottenham 

Hotspur fame). The candidates divide into two teams and take part in a variety of 

challenges, such as selling pet care items at a pet show or developing a new brand of shampoo, 

and each week the team that makes the least money loses and at least 

one member from that team is fired). 

In a recent episode the candidates were charged with writing and printing a children's book. Team Connexus wrote a tale about a dragon-elephant hybrid creature named Snottledink  - it was really very good. Team Versatile opted for a story about Bizzie the Bee's search for honey. Poor Bizzie got blown about by the wind all over the place and one of the candidates memorably kept repeating, while swaying her body - 

"swishing and swooping, tumbling and turning". 

This is exactly how my mind has been feeling lately. 

There are many changes afoot - mostly related to that fact that my family is 

becoming more independent. It is a fact of life and I wouldn't have it any other 

way but it does take a bit of getting used to. After 20 years of three main 

elements to my life: children, work, home, my life now seems 

much more: work, home. 

 I feel my life has changed much, even over the last 2 months. 

Younger son left for University last year and elder son is in his final year so you 

would have thought I would be accustomed to their empty bedrooms, but I think 

because this year both of them are much more settled and established in their lives 

away from home that their combined absence has only now really hit me. 

I miss their lively conversations - the house is so much quieter. 

I miss their bodies not filling the space. 

I miss the coming and going of people. 

I miss that I no longer have to fill my brain with things to remember to do 

and that I no longer juggle transport for after school activities 

I despise myself because I find myself enjoying the fact that the house stays tidier - grrrr! 

Daughter is still at home of course, and misses the boys, frequently 

complaining that she does not like being an only child!

  

So I have been doing much soul searching, readjusting, trying to see 

this all as an opportunity and not a threat. You know, trying to think 

positive about it all. Realising that maybe the time is approaching for me to regain 

some of my independence after 20+ years of daily hands-on child care.  

As Thursday was such a beautiful morning I took myself up to a local wood for 

a bit of restorative fresh air and cogitating space. This is one of my favourite 

places local to us - it is just 3 miles away, I even cycled to it! 

Well, ok, it is a while since I have been on my bike so I cycled 

down the hills and walked my bike up them!

 I was so glad I went out, soon after I returned home the sun disappeared. 

Sorry, this is a bit of a self-indulgent post. Sometimes I just need to 

write my thoughts down to help me sort out 

their "swishing and swooping, tumbling and turning".

I've considered and debated with myself at length!  
If you have got this far, thank you for sticking with it and it has all helped.

And you know, I really think it might be time to start planning new adventures for 

that time when daughter leaves home. It might even be time to start saving 

for that longed-for campervan and a map of the world.  ;-)

xXx

PS. Thank you for reading. 

I'm not looking for sympathy, please save that for those around

 the world who really need it.