Monday, 16 November 2015

"swishing and swooping, tumbling and turning"


Do you watch 'The Apprentice'? This is one TV show that all the family in our house like. 

For those of you who do not know the programme, over a period of weeks candidates
 vie to become the business partner of Lord Alan Sugar (he of Amstrad and Tottenham 
Hotspur fame). The candidates divide into two teams and take part in a variety of 
challenges, such as selling pet care items at a pet show or developing a new brand of shampoo, 
and each week the team that makes the least money loses and at least 
one member from that team is fired). 

In a recent episode the candidates were charged with writing and printing a children's book. Team Connexus wrote a tale about a dragon-elephant hybrid creature named Snottledink  - it was really very good. Team Versatile opted for a story about Bizzie the Bee's search for honey. Poor Bizzie got blown about by the wind all over the place and one of the candidates memorably kept repeating, while swaying her body - 

"swishing and swooping, tumbling and turning". 

This is exactly how my mind has been feeling lately. 

There are many changes afoot - mostly related to that fact that my family is 
becoming more independent. It is a fact of life and I wouldn't have it any other 
way but it does take a bit of getting used to. After 20 years of three main 
elements to my life: children, work, home, my life now seems 
much more: work, home

 I feel my life has changed much, even over the last 2 months. 
Younger son left for University last year and elder son is in his final year so you 
would have thought I would be accustomed to their empty bedrooms, but I think 
because this year both of them are much more settled and established in their lives 
away from home that their combined absence has only now really hit me. 

I miss their lively conversations - the house is so much quieter. 
I miss their bodies not filling the space. 
I miss the coming and going of people. 
I miss that I no longer have to fill my brain with things to remember to do 
and that I no longer juggle transport for after school activities 
I despise myself because I find myself enjoying the fact that the house stays tidier - grrrr! 

Daughter is still at home of course, and misses the boys, frequently 
complaining that she does not like being an only child!

So I have been doing much soul searching, readjusting, trying to see 
this all as an opportunity and not a threat. You know, trying to think 
positive about it all. Realising that maybe the time is approaching for me to regain 
some of my independence after 20+ years of daily hands-on child care.  

As Thursday was such a beautiful morning I took myself up to a local wood for 
a bit of restorative fresh air and cogitating space. This is one of my favourite 
places local to us - it is just 3 miles away, I even cycled to it! 
Well, ok, it is a while since I have been on my bike so I cycled 
down the hills and walked my bike up them!

 I was so glad I went out, soon after I returned home the sun disappeared. 

Sorry, this is a bit of a self-indulgent post. Sometimes I just need to 
write my thoughts down to help me sort out 
their "swishing and swooping, tumbling and turning".
I've considered and debated with myself at length!  
If you have got this far, thank you for sticking with it and it has all helped.

And you know, I really think it might be time to start planning new adventures for 
that time when daughter leaves home. It might even be time to start saving 
for that longed-for campervan and a map of the world.  ;-)


PS. Thank you for reading. 
I'm not looking for sympathy, please save that for those around
 the world who really need it. 


  1. I often say, quite flippantly, that I'm looking forward to the children going off to university or their own house, but the reality will be very different I'm sure. Some good positive thoughts here though Caz, cycling, walking, camper vans! They'll all be on my list too! J x

  2. Get the camper van!!! Go for it! I'm laying my plans for when independence strikes (hence prolonged absence!) and you'll be very welcome to pull up on our path and visit Liverpool!

    1. Thank you!! I commented on a photo of Liverpool only last week to say I'd never visited but aimed to do so one day!

  3. This sort of change is hard to adjust to isn't it. I find every stage quite a lot to deal with. A campervan and a map sound excellent to me. Adventures await! CJ xx

    1. Yes, and life constantly changes with children doesn't it? Hard to keep up sometimes!

  4. What a wonderful place to go for an explore all by yourself! I hope that whatever life brings your way it will be wonderful and new and exciting! xx

  5. It does take some getting used to, but once you have got your head around it, it really can be quite exciting to plan trips/outings that the children didn't want to do and to indulge yourself with time for yourself.

    1. Thank you for your words of encouragement - I can do all those long distance walks I have dreamed of walking!

  6. Thank you for writing this! I'm in the middle of the 'how do I juggle it all??' thing, and it helps to know that this is actually a time to enjoy :-) and.. you're always welcome to come over to my house (two boys and a girl, just like you) if it gets too quiet! at our place it never is! :-) (we live in Istanbul though... your first stop with the campervan?)

    1. Glad it was some help to you m, Never been to Instanbul and would love too one day!!

  7. You think you'll never get used to your children growing up and moving away but eventually you do. My older son will be 30 in a month from now and my younger son will be 29 two days later. Going for a nice walk/cycle ride is a great way to tackle missing the boys being at home.

    1. I'm sure I will get used to it Gillian, just takes a bit of readjusting doesn't it? A cycle ride sounds lovely!

  8. Getting out in the fresh air on those crisp and dry autumnal days can give you quiet time so those swooping and sweeping thoughts have some room to do just that with the hope they may end up in formulating some kind of plan.
    Beautiful photos.
    Lisa x

  9. Oh I really could have written this post. My eldest went to Uni last year and the youngest is never home. I wrote a post about the tidy bedroom at the beginning of the year which said all these things, except about the camper van, but I'd love one. I share your pain, maybe we should form a support group? xx

  10. It must be a joy to know that your kids have grown into clever, responsible and independent young adults. It's strange now but you'll soon enjoy this new 'freedom' you have and why not? You've done your time. I'm all for the camper van and round-the-world travel. Go for it! X


Hello, thank you for dropping in on my blog. I hope you found something of interest and I would love to read your comments.
Caz xx